I know i don't share much, and for that, i apologize. So with that in mind, hold on to your britches, 'cause
i'm gettin' ready to share!
I had the strangest thing happen yesterday, and i'm still affected by it today. So i thought i'd "write it out." For whatever reason, i can't seem to talk it out, so i thought i'd try coming here...
I've been wanting to get a tattoo for about a year now... Actually TWO tats. I want to have "Bunny" put on my left wrist and "Kitty" on my right. (Those are my daughters' nicknames, and they've always gone by them.)
Well, yesterday Kitty talked me into going to the tat studio where she and her sister go. I went to get an appointment from the guy who has done all of Bunny's tats. She's always spoken very highly of him and she thinks he's The Best. So that's who i wanted.
I was in the oddest mood on the way there; kidding a LOT, smart-ass and almost giddy! Kitty's boyfriend thought i was smoking crack or something. I was acting and feeling Weird!
Anyway, we got there and spoke with Gabe at the front desk.
Everything okay so far. I liked him. Nice guy. Cute. Good personality.
Then Bunny's Tat Guy came to the front desk.
I thought everything was alright...
He seemed okay...
I made the appointment and paid my $40 down-payment.
On the way back to the car, i just didn't feel right.
I felt like i shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have made that appointment. I don't know how to explain it, but i felt like i just made a mistake.
On the drive back home, i wasn't saying a word. It was like there was a black curtain around me. Somehow i'd just done something wrong.
And then i noticed that my stomach was tied up in knots.
I felt vulnerable, and almost like crying. Crying or throwing up. Or both.
I felt really really odd. In a bad way.
By the time i got home, i had decided that i wasn't going back.
I am not going to Bunny's Tat Guy for this tattoo.
I'm not sayin' i'll never get the tats. I'm just sayin' i'm not getting them from that guy. And i'm not gettin' 'em from that place.
I have no idea what my problem was.
I have NO idea why i got such a horrible feeling.
All i know is i'm not gonna go against that feeling.
I also wonder why i'm still feeling so... odd today.
I *think* it may be that i've never had anything like that happen before.
Also, i don't know exactly *why* i felt the way i felt yesterday, and it's bothering me today.
It's bothering me that i had such strong negative feelings.
It's bothering me that i don't understand where those feelings came from.
It's bothering me that i don't understand WHY i had those feelings.
It's bothering me that it's bothering me!
I went to Yoga this morning, but i was still feeling vulnerable. I felt like i shouldn't be there. But since i was there, i went ahead and did my Yoga. It's freeing and "releasing" for me. It helps me in many ways; mentally, physically, and more.
But i've felt vulnerable most of the day. I tried talking with Boyfriend about it, but i couldn't quite put it in words.
Thanks for "listening".