Monday, October 3, 2011

Make It Work

You may not want to read this post.
It's looong and full of tears.
And probably boring to you.
But i need to "talk" this out.
I haven't allowed myself to talk about it with anyone yet, and i just gotta "let it out" now.
You can simply come back tomorrow for your Quote of the Day thing, k?

Or continue if you wanna try it.
But don't say i didn't warn ya!

Bunny, Nov. 1989
I knew on this day that one day she would move out and start her own life... 

My little sister, Z (on the right), stealing her cookie.

She's so precious!  And typically happy... just because!

I curled her hair for this photoshoot.
She hated it, but let me do it anyway.

She was a little bit of a tomboy when she was young...

Precious AND sweet!
Boyfriend nailed it when he said
"She has the heart of an Angel."
I have a TON of photos i could show you...
But i'll only cry, and you'll be bored and uncomfortable, so...

Here she is at Thirteen

Here we are when she turned Fourteen.
She's been by my side for so long...

At Fifteen

After she had her wisdom teeth taken out


Out in Nature, where she loves to be.

High School Graduation, 2008
I knew then that it probably wouldn't be long, but i stayed in Denial...

It's safe in Denial...
For a while, anyway.
But sooner or later, Reality comes crashing down on you.

At the age of almost 22, Bunny moved out this past Saturday (October 1st).
I haven't allowed myself to cry...
Until now.

I've forced myself to only look at it from Her point of view.
She's been so excited!  It's a brand new Adventure for her!
She moved into an apartment 30 minutes away, with her boyfriend. 
She's never moved before (that she remembers).
Everything went smoothly.  Nothing got broken.
She texted me last night that all the boxes are unpacked now, and they're almost ready to start hanging stuff on the walls.
She's so Happy.

So now here i sit with my own feelings.
It seems like she's always been there with me.
She was my First Baby.
She is always so loving and kind and understanding and sweet.
And she gives the Best Hugs in the World!!!
I know it's not like she's dead.  I'm not saying that at all!
I know it's not like she's moved to California or Japan or someplace (as far away from me as she can).

But she's not Here anymore.
I can't just go upstairs and chat with her or hug her if i want.
Because before, when she *was* here, she would stop what she was doing if i wanted a hug.
Yep, she spoiled me as much as i spoiled her.  =-)
She's still spoiling me by texting me every day...  And by answering her phone when i call.
I know it's early yet, but at least i still feel the love.

I moved out of my Mom's the day after i graduated High School.
I honestly don't remember moving out; i've blocked it out.  I was so angry and upset with my Mom.  And hurt by her.  It took me a couple of years to forgive her! 
But this move is so different.  I can't even compare them.

I know Bunny's just a phone call away, or a short drive away.
But i miss her SO MUCH already!
And i know things will never be the same.
I know deep down that each day when we wake up, things are never the same.  But this is different.
It's a "New Era" in my life.

And i'm honestly not ready for it.
Oh, i knew it was coming!  I  knew the day she was born that this day would come.  If only i had  written myself a note on that day to remind myself  what life was like before children.  What did Boyfriend and i do with our time?  What did we do as a couple?
I know i can never "go back".  But now i have to "invent" a new reality for myself.

I just never imagined a Reality without a Bunny in it on a daily basis.
And i am so sad.

I  know i still have Kitty!
And i'm *trying* to be positive in all this.
Now Kitty has me and her Daddy all to herself!  I guess i'm just not sure that's a good thing in her eyes...  She's pretty independent, ya know.  She's pretty self-sufficient.
And one day, she'll "betray" me too.
I know it's coming.
I guess that's what's also bothering me.

I knew from the start that they would leave the nest.
I just never thought about what i would do with myself when that time came.

I need to stop feeling sorry for myself!
I need to let go.
I need to look at it from Her point of view only.
She is so Happy!
She is in a new phase in her life.
(And subsequently, so am i.)

Embrace it Wendy.
Embrace it.
Relish in her accomplishments!
There are neighbors who've lived in my subdivision as long as i have, with children around my daughters' ages, and their children have not made this transition.  I am at least thankful that my daughters are confident enough to spread their wings and go out into this vast World and 

I hope and pray that they live it to their FULLEST!

Don't come back little bird, regardless of my feelings of loss.
Don't come back.
Go out there and Dream your Dreams!
Live your Life as fully as you possibly can!

Do that for me and i'll be happy.


  1. Dear Wendy, It's A-OK to mourn the loss of a phase of life that isn't coming'll find your way to a new place but I think it's beautiful that you take the time to honor this life you've had to date with your daughter...because it's wonderful and you've been blessed. What wouldn't be OK is if you guilted her into staying, if you couldn't let her go, if she didn't have the confidence or wherewithal to move on...and thankfully, you have none of those things.

    What a blessing. Seriously. Be sad...for a short while...and then rejoice that you raised an adventurous, happy and eager young woman with a grace-filled heart. Maybe you need a walk and you'll find a feather ;)

  2. It is SO HARD letting go. I know. I remember when we dropped our daughter off at college. My husband had to force me to get back into the van. I cried all the way home. I wandered into her empty bedroom and cried. I talked to her every day. Hung up the phone and cried. But it gets better. Really. You'll see how they grow into an independent woman. That's what you want. Wait till the next one leaves. Although you'll already have experience! Good luck!