Happy Birthday to...

She's a Photographer

(I've used many of her photos on my blog, like this one, and this one, and this one, and...  Well, you get the idea!

She's working on making an Etsy site...

I'll post that when she gets it going.)

She's not afraid to be Silly

She's an excellent Travel Partner

She's Sweet, 

and Talented, 

and everybody LOVES her!

She's my oldest daughter, Bunny, and 

TODAY IS HER BIRTHDAY!!!

Happy Twenty-second Birthday 

Sweet Girl!!!

I hope you have a Great Day!

Back tomorrow with more Painting posts.

=-)

Make It Work

You may not want to read this post.
It's looong and full of tears.
And probably boring to you.
But i need to "talk" this out.
I haven't allowed myself to talk about it with anyone yet, and i just gotta "let it out" now.
You can simply come back tomorrow for your Quote of the Day thing, k?

Or continue if you wanna try it.
But don't say i didn't warn ya!
=-)

Bunny, Nov. 1989

I knew on this day that one day she would move out and start her own life... 

  

My little sister, Z (on the right), stealing her cookie.

She's so precious!  And typically happy... just because!

I curled her hair for this photoshoot.

She hated it, but let me do it anyway.

She was a little bit of a tomboy when she was young...

Precious AND sweet!

Boyfriend nailed it when he said

"She has the heart of an Angel."

I have a TON of photos i could show you...

But i'll only cry, and you'll be bored and uncomfortable, so...

Here she is at Thirteen

Here we are when she turned Fourteen.

She's been by my side for so long...

At Fifteen

After she had her wisdom teeth taken out

Seventeen

Out in Nature, where she loves to be.

High School Graduation, 2008

I knew then that it probably wouldn't be long, but i stayed in Denial...

It's safe in Denial...

For a while, anyway.

But sooner or later, Reality comes crashing down on you.

At the age of almost 22, Bunny moved out this past Saturday (October 1st).

I haven't allowed myself to cry...

Until now.

I've forced myself to only look at it from Her point of view.

She's been so excited!  It's a brand new Adventure for her!

She moved into an apartment 30 minutes away, with her boyfriend. 

She's never moved before (that she remembers).

Everything went smoothly.  Nothing got broken.

She texted me last night that all the boxes are unpacked now, and they're almost ready to start hanging stuff on the walls.

She's so Happy.

=-)

So now here i sit with my own feelings.

It seems like she's always been there with me.

She was my First Baby.

She is always so loving and kind and understanding and sweet.

And she gives the Best Hugs in the World!!!

I know it's not like she's dead.  I'm not saying that at all!

I know it's not like she's moved to California or Japan or someplace (as far away from me as she can).

But she's not Here anymore.

I can't just go upstairs and chat with her or hug her if i want.

Because before, when she *was* here, she would stop what she was doing if i wanted a hug.

Yep, she spoiled me as much as i spoiled her.  =-)

She's still spoiling me by texting me every day...  And by answering her phone when i call.

I know it's early yet, but at least i still feel the love.

I moved out of my Mom's the day after i graduated High School.

I honestly don't remember moving out; i've blocked it out.  I was so angry and upset with my Mom.  And hurt by her.  It took me a couple of years to forgive her! 

But this move is so different.  I can't even compare them.

I know Bunny's just a phone call away, or a short drive away.

But i miss her SO MUCH already!

And i know things will never be the same.

I know deep down that each day when we wake up, things are never the same.  But this is different.

It's a "New Era" in my life.

And i'm honestly not ready for it.

Oh, i knew it was coming!  I  knew the day she was born that this day would come.  If only i had  written myself a note on that day to remind myself  what life was like before children.  What did Boyfriend and i do with our time?  What did we do as a couple?

I know i can never "go back".  But now i have to "invent" a new reality for myself.

I just never imagined a Reality without a Bunny in it on a daily basis.

And i am so sad.

I  know i still have Kitty!

And i'm *trying* to be positive in all this.

Now Kitty has me and her Daddy all to herself!  I guess i'm just not sure that's a good thing in her eyes...  She's pretty independent, ya know.  She's pretty self-sufficient.

And one day, she'll "betray" me too.

I know it's coming.

I guess that's what's also bothering me.

I knew from the start that they would leave the nest.

I just never thought about what i would do with myself when that time came.

I need to stop feeling sorry for myself!

I need to let go.

I need to look at it from Her point of view only.

She is so Happy!

She is in a new phase in her life.

(And subsequently, so am i.)

Embrace it Wendy.

Embrace it.

Relish in her accomplishments!

There are neighbors who've lived in my subdivision as long as i have, with children around my daughters' ages, and their children have not made this transition.  I am at least thankful that my daughters are confident enough to spread their wings and go out into this vast World and 

LIVE!

I hope and pray that they live it to their FULLEST!

=-)

Don't come back little bird, regardless of my feelings of loss.

Don't come back.

Go out there and Dream your Dreams!

Live your Life as fully as you possibly can!

Do that for me and i'll be happy.

=-)

Fake Journal Month - "Prequel"

It's officially Day 2 of "Fake Journal" Month, and i'm actually in synch with it!

I'm really proud of myself, 'cause i usually wimp out on projects like this!
Not to jinx myself by saying that, though.  There are still 28 days for me to wimp out on, but i'm being hopeful.  =-)

I sort of waited 'til the laaaast minute on day 1 'cause my Inner Critic was  trying to psych me out of doing it.  But i did it anyway!  It was after 10 pm, but still, I DID IT ANYWAY!
"HA, Inner Critic!  Take that!"

And that's part of what Roz Stendahl is trying to do anyway with this Fake Journal thing: help you quiet your Inner Critic.  And it's sort of working for me!

AND GUESS WHAT?!?!
Bunny and Kitty ARE doing it with me after all!
I am SOOO tickled!!!

We haven't really *really* looked at each other's stuff yet, but that's sort of what Roz has been talking about too.  She advises we wait a few days before posting any of our "journal pages" to our blogs, just so we can have time to "get our mojo going" first, and time to get into our characters.  Go read her blog and you'll find out what i'm talking about!

[i put "journal pages" in quotes up there because i've never really felt like what i've been doing is "journaling", but i guess it is in the "dictionary sense", so...]

Okay, here's my character's story, sort of.
My character is myself, but at age 11.  It's kinda confusing because my real daughters are my character's sisters, and i'm basically my character's mother.  Something like that.  I'm not really getting into working a lot of it out.  I'm just using this Fake Journal as an "excuse" to start drawing. 
I used to draw when i was young.  But somewhere along the way, written words became my main way of expressing myself.  Every time i sat down to try to start a "journal", it has been through words; NEVER through pictures.  Except when i was little.
So *now* i'm trying to start drawing once again.  When my girls were little, i drew too, just to show them that "people can draw", but once they took to it, i basically stopped drawing again.
But i think it will only be good - for my creativity, imagination, quilting, brain, etc - for me to start to draw.
So when i saw this "challenge" on Roz's blog, i thought it could be something that might help.

And I'm Doing It!!!

So i've already done my page for today, and it's just now 5 o'clock.  And i even scanned both pages in preparation for when i actually begin posting them!!!
This is really progress for me!

I am so tickled!!!

And now that i've posted this, i guess i'll *have* to keep up with Fake Journal month, just so i don't humiliate myself with "failure".  =-)

I'll wait a few days (maybe the 7th?) before i post pix.
So in the meantime, Wish Me Luck!

=-)

p.s.  It's not too late for YOU to join in Fake Journal month!  You can hop on the bandwagon at ANY point in this month!  Go check out Roz's blog on Fake Journal Month and her blog on art.  She's inspiring.