Did I Hear Somebody Say England!?!

Man-oh-man it's been a long time since i posted!  Part of that is because i started putting my thoughts into a Word document on my computer.  It's been helpful, but it hasn't "encouraged" me to blog!  Sorry 'bout that!
I haven't been doing much quilting lately anyway, so there hasn't really been much to blog about...

But remember one time i told you that Boyfriend was taking me to England?!
Well, guess what?!?!

I have pictures!
Actually, we took over seven HUNDRED pictures, but don't worry; i won't bore you with ALL of them.   =-)

When i say "we" went to England, i really mean the four of us; our next door neighbors were our "tour guides" because they've been to England like six times before, so we felt "safe" going with them.  (Boyfriend's a little coughscaredcough to travel out of our country... BUT YOU DIDN'T HEAR THAT FROM ME!!!)

We flew out of Charlotte, NC on Oct 13th and did a quick layover in Philly, and then flew into Manchester, England (arriving on the 14th).  We really went there to see a friend who works at our favorite spot, The Wine Room.  (Who knew?!  =-)  )  Her name's Sarah, and she's spending one semester studying abroad, lucky little devil.

We spent one night in Manchester, and then hit the road in a rented car.  We drove across the north coast of Wales, and almost all the way down the west coast to a town called Cardigan where we spent the night in a tiny town called Gwbert (goo'-bert).  One night there, and then we went to Carmarthen, Wales to meet up with another friend from the Wine Room, Kelly, who is ALSO studying abroad for the semester.  (I'm thinkin' i didn't do something right when i was younger... Hmm.) 
One short day there (we didn't really get to see much of Carmarthen), and then we headed back across the Severn river into England, where we drove straight to Gatwick airport to turn in the car, and hopped on the train into London.

Oh my god, LONDON!!!  I absolutely LOVED London!!!  The architecture, the history, the cultures, the Tube, the red double-decker buses... I LOVED EVERYTHING ABOUT LONDON!!! 

We stayed in London until the 25th.  We were supposed to go to Paris, but with all the rioting and striking and craziness going on over there, we decided to just stay in London.  And i'm GLAD we did!!!  I didn't really "miss" Paris 'cause i am SO IN LOVE with LONDON!!!

People keep asking me what my favorite thing about my trip was and, honestly, i can only say

THE ENTIRE THING!!!

I loved it ALL!!!
(Well, "all" except that looong and boring plane ride there and back, that is!)
We had an absolutely FABULOUS time!!!
Even the weather was wonderful!  I fully expected, before i left, that i would get wet every day; that my feet would be soaked at the end of every day.  I expected it so i (hopefully) wouldn't be disappointed every day, but...
It never really rained on us!  We had cloudy weather in Manchester and most of Wales, and even saw the sun on many days in London, but... it never *really* rained on us!  (I'm not counting that one time it started to lightly sprinkle a tiny bit and we popped into a Cafe Nero for a coffee, and by the time we came out, the streets were almost dry.)  I could NOT believe it!  I am STILL tickled (in case you couldn't tell)!
Anyway...
Here's a picture to get you started:

Manchester at night from the 23rd floor of the Hilton Manchester Deansgate Hotel (we did not stay here, only came for a drink... or two.  And the VIEW!!!)

... more tomorrow ...

=-)

Wow... September Already, Huh?!

And i haven't posted since August 12th!  Sorry 'bout that. 

Here's a pic of Boyfriend and me (because i hate a post without a pic!), taken about a month ago, standing in front of those Sunflowers "for scale".  I *told* you they were tall!  =-)  (And there's My Lovely Assistant on the left side.  She's so "subtle"!  She's sneaky!  She loves to be included in pictures.)

Anyway...

I've been going through some stuff over here.

I haven't built up the nerve yet to go talk with a therapist.  I'm not really sure why...

Well, i have at least begun reading a book that my friend's therapist recommended to her.  It's called "The Sexual Healing Journey" by Wendy Maltz.  It's making sense so far. 

And it's making me think about things. 

I've kinda gotten "stuck", though.  It's caused me to start thinking about a time when i was younger than six...  There was this one time...  I don't really remember a lot of it, but i remember

i was really scared.

I was so scared that i was hiding under the bed.  I remember there was a lady there (i *think* she was a college student who was "rooming" with us at the time), but i don't remember anything before this, or why i was so scared.

But i'm afraid that some of my mistrust of females comes from that time.

... so i think some therapy should be helpful.

But i just can't pick up the phone yet.

I will.

Just not right now.

Not today.

Maybe tomorrow.  (Maybe i'm actually Scarlet O'Hara.)

Maybe next week.

I know change is scary.  I know possibilities in the future can be scary.  I know where i am right now is "safe".

I'm working up to it.

Thanks for listening.

I'll be back.  Hopefully it won't be too long...

=-)

I cannot tell you how many times in each week i have come to my computer with the intention of writing a post on this blog, yet i somehow get lost in looking at everyone else's blogs.

I also cannot tell you how many times i lie awake at night thinking about "my next quilt" and yet, when i wake in the morning, it never gets started.

Can you say "procrastination"?

I come by it honestly, though.  Both of my parents have long been glorious procrastinators.
I know that's NO EXCUSE for me, though.
I am my own person, and not merely a product of their DNA.

So, guess what i'm going to do next?
I'm going to go work on something in my sewing room!

That's my "puppy", Allie.  She has absolutely *nothing*  to do with this post, but isn't she CUTE!?!  This is how she tells me "It's time to eat!"

And this is a picture that Bunny took a few weeks ago.  I have Sunflowers in my back yard that are FOURTEEN FEET HIGH!  I love to go in the back and just

look

at

them.

They are so peaceful and calming to stand under and look at and watch the bees lazily float from one to another.  And if i sit on my back porch long enough, i eventually am rewarded with seeing the beautiful yellow finches that come eat all the seeds.

Come sit with me a while in the calm, peaceful glory.

AFTER i sew a bit!

=-)

I was thinking... (I know: Shocking, right?) =-)

.

I was thinking last night while i was ironing...

While i was at my Mom's last week, she kept giving me things that are/were hers (the way my Grandmom [her Mom] did before she became bedridden).  Well, Mama gave me a magazine that used to by my Grandmom's from 1964.
Nineteen Sixty-four!  (I *know*!)
Anyway!

It was a December issue of a "House and Garden" magazine, and there was an article in it for Holiday Cocktails.
*That* is what got me thinking!  ("Finally!" you say.)

You know, "we" used to have Cocktails in the evenings.  (Back in the '50s, you know.)
Almost EVERY event featured Cocktails.
Wedding receptions, dinner parties, funerals.  When "the man of the house" arrived home from a grueling day at the office, all the women's magizines suggested the wife put on a nice dress, some heels and pearls, and have a cool Cocktail waiting and ready for him as soon as he stepped in the front door.
*Everything* involved Cocktails.

Last night while i was ironing, it occurred to me *why* "we" used to have Cocktails so frequently.


Everybody was Self-Medicating.

No, really!  Think about it!
We didn't have all these anti-depressants that are available now.

...I miss Cocktail hour...

=-)

{random title here}

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A lot's been going on around here...

I went to my Mom's in Beaufort, SC last Monday (the 19th), and returned home on the 23rd.  She's doing well, for the most part.  As i've reported before, she has Alzheimers, and she's on that slow downward spiral... 
She couldn't remember when my birthday is.

That's pretty basic for a Mother.  You *know* when your children's birthdays are. Ya know? 
So that's how she's fairing. 

She wanted me to help her straighten and organize her room, and we got most of it done.  She has an art table that was COVERED with crap, and now that's clean and clear, so maybe she'll try making a collage again...
But i'm not holding my breath.

She and her husband (not my Dad) have their routine, and it works for them, and i doubt she'll get up the energy to break from routine and go in there and get inspired.  =-} 
But at least her art table isn't over there in the corner scowling at her anymore.  =-)

On my four hour drive home, i almost wept in the car at the start.  I had plenty of time to think, and to worry that i'll end up like her...
But that's another post, i think.
Right now i'm just trying to catch you up on my past week or two.



My near-and-dear friend i told you about in the last post HAS begun therapy.  She went one day last week while i was gone.  Her therapist recommended a book for her to read (about dealing with sexual abuse), and she actually bought it!  So i'm thankful that she's trying to deal with it head-on now. 
I am thankful that she went to a therapist.
I am thankful she actually got up the nerve/ felt comfortable enough with the therapist to talk about it/ what have you.
I am thankful that she's dealing with this now (as opposed to way later in life).

Now, I just need to be brave enough to call a therapist myself so i can continue healing from my one incident.



My dear Daddy...
Since the last post, Daddy got his staples out on July 12th, and the doc told him he was doing well, and to listen to his body and take it easy, slowly working up to his pre-accident self.
Well, i'm happy to say that Daddy *has* been taking it easy and trying to slowly work his way back.

However...
He has been having some clear-ish drainage on his pillow in the mornings (from his suture site).  He mentioned it to his doc, and they "looked" at his head and said it looked good.
At his second appointment, he mentioned again that he's *still* having clearish drainage on his pillow.  They "looked" at it, told him it looked fine, and sent him to a wound specialist. 
(When i say they "looked" at it, i mean that literally.  They simply leaned over him and peered at his wound.  They never touched it.  They never looked *closely* at it.  Nothing.)
The specialist started cleaning and whatever-a-wound-specialist-does, and in a couple of seconds, he got all excited (not in a good way).  The specialist said, "You need to go back to your neurologist right away."  Well, serendipitously, the neuro office called while the specialist was panicking-without-trying-to-panick, so Daddy said, "Here, talk to this specialist."
The specialist "talked in code" (according to Daddy), and Daddy went straight over to the neuro doc.
Guess what?!

Daddy's skin didn't "seal" with the staples, so he LITERALLY had a hole in his head!  Straight to his brain!!!

The neuro doc stitched up his head (again) and put him on horse-pill-sized antibiotics.  (July 23rd)

Daddy said he was telling me and Boyfriend this during our Saturday-morning-Breakfast-Ritual so we could *SUE* if anything goes horribly wrong because of this.   (Diclaimer!  We've never sued *anybody* for *anything*!  We're just not that way.  We don't feel anybody "owes" us anything.  But if they've fucked up my Daddy, you better believe we're suing!!!)

I still can't believe he was walking around with a hole open to his brain for almost TWO WEEKS!

When i shaved his head (somewhere around the week of the 12th), i told my husband that it looked like there was a hole there, but i just *knew* it couldn't possibly be!
So much for my wisdom, huh?  =-)


And now to end on a happy note:
Boyfriend and i have been talking with our next-door-neighbors about the four of us taking a trip together.
Well, when Boyfriend woke me with my Goodbye Kiss this morning, he said, "It's official!  I'm taking you to London and Paris on October 13th!"

I can hardly WAIT!!!

Big Ben

when Boyfriend went to England

with the Air Force

back in the 80s

.

Yes, I'm Still Here...

...

I have put off writing this post.
Quite frankly, i still don't wanna write it, but i feel like i need to.


And you, Poor Soul, may just wanna skip reading this post!  =-)



Friday night, June 25th, my Daddy called me with the "pretense" of would i please go get a thermometer for him from the drug store.  He thinks he "might be running a bit of fever..."

Long story short, i took him to the E.R. around 10:30 that night.  We didn't get out of there until 7 (or so) a.m. the next morning! ...  But that was only to move upstairs where they admitted him to the Neurosciences department.
He stayed there until Thursday, July 1st, when they took him downstairs for a second operation inside his skull.  They didn't drain as much fluid off his brain as the first time, but he seems to be doing much better this time. 

And they let him go home on Saturday, July 3rd.  He's taking it easy (again), and seems to be doing well.

He doesn't always listen to his body, but his body language seems to be telling me that he's doing better this time.  He doesn't seem as "fuzzy-brained" as he was earlier this week, either.  I think he's doing alright.

Originally, i was so depressed on June 29th when they told us he'd need another operation.  And my older sister said, "Imagine how HE feels!" 
But he honestly seems to be doing better now.

I am so thankful.


But somewhere in there, (July 2nd, to be exact), someone very-near-and-dear told me she was molested in Fourth grade by a teacher!
A Teacher!!!
Not a "regular" teacher, but someone who just came once a week or so to help out the teacher.  A male.  And this someone near-and-dear is a female.



I

was

devastated.



Where was i? 
Where was i when this was happening? 
Why wasn't i there?!?
And why didn't i notice "a change" in this person?!
Why didn't i "know" that something had happened?!
Why didn't i notice any "tell-tale signs"?!?

I am *extremely* close to this person!!!  Why didn't i "sense" something?!?

Fourth grade was eight years ago for her... 
So this is "nothing new" for her.


But for ME?
For me, this is new.
So it's on my mind a lot!


And it brings up *my* past...

She said she thinks it's about then that she stopped wearing dresses.

Which made me think...  "...it's about then that *I* stopped wearing dresses..."
Why didn't i ever put that together before?

...which has me thinking about other "coincidents"...



So, is this why i've never really gotten close to anybody?  Boyfriend is my very best friend.  I honestly have no other "best friends".  Never have.
Is it because that trust was shattered for me as a little girl?
Is "He" the reason that i don't form close bonds with people?
The only close bonds i have are with my husband (though he DOES wish i'd talk more [imagine that!]), my daughters, and...  Well... that's about it. 
That's my little "inner circle".
I've always been "private".  "Hard to get to know" was the way one person described me...

Don't let me mislead you.
Though *her* deal is new to me, *my* deal is not.
I forgave "Him" a long time ago. 
I decided to forgive and move forward. 
I didn't dwell on it.  I never told anybody about "that one time". 
Except Boyfriend.  I told him a long time ago, but i never mentioned it again 'cause i forgave and moved on.  Boyfriend's probably forgotten about it, to be honest.  And i'm also betting "He" also forgot about it...
It was a long time ago.

But now...?
Now i am thinking about the "coincidences" that may have come along from "that one time long ago".  How has it really affected me?
How would i be different if "that one time" had never happened?!?
Would i be more personable? 
Would i have more true friends? 
Would i be more talkative and open and "vulnerable" with others?



The past is done, but it's how it affects us, how it makes us who we are, that concerns me right now.

If you've read this far...
Are you crazy?!?!   ;-)
Or are you just bored by your day so you're looking in on mine.
Whatever your reason,
thank you.
Thank you for listening.
Comments welcomed.  Honestly. 
'Cause i'm sitting over here in my little world with my own thoughts, and i'd seriously appreciate a couple of your thoughts.  Constructive or negative, whatever.
You know... When i was younger and decided to forgive "Him", it didn't really occur to me at the time that there was more to it than that.  I just thought it was best to be able to forgive "Him".  And i thought that if i forgave, then i would be able to move on, and hopefully one day, to forget.

...that didn't exactly happen.

And now this has happened to someone i love and care about.
Does everything really need to perpetuate?!
Is there a way i can help Her?  Not exactly "learn from my mistakes", but... Something?!?!


Right now, she doesn't want to talk about it.
But she IS willing to go to a therapist to talk about it.
I am thankful for that!



Hopefully, next time i'll have something much lighter to talk about!
=-)

(Before)

(After)

Happy...

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Happy Birthday to my Brother, Mickey!!!

When he was little, he always thought those fireworks were all in HIS honor!  =-)

I still think they are!  =-)

.

Sunday, June 20th

=-)

Happy Father's Day

to all the Dads out there!!!

And especially to my own Dad!

(...even though he'll never see this...)

And Dads, please think about this...

YOU are the first (and most important) relationship your little girl will have with a man. 

Make it a shining example of all her future relationships she should have with the men in her life.

Treat her the way you want her future special-someone to treat her

so she KNOWS she DESERVES to be treated with

Respect

and

Love.

.

My Right Hand...

She was born in 1991...

my second (and final) baby.

She quickly asserted herself into our family...

Unique,

Sweet,

&

Independently marching to her own drum.

As she grew, i tried my best to begin to slowly let go...

 

And now she graduates from High School tomorrow.

 

Kitty, i will ALWAYS be here for you!

(Even though you've figured most things out for yourself

and don't really need me anymore.)

Truth be told, it is *I* who have always needed

*YOU*!

You speak for me when i'm afraid to,

and you seem to know me better than anyone else does...

And still you love me

in spite of it

all.

Thank you so much for the most wonderful 19 years of my life!

I love you Sweet Girl!

Always.

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Here's the Scoop

.

Okay.  So here's the scoop on my  Daddy.
He went to have his CT scan on Wednesday, and the doc told him "It's not just worse, it's a hell of a lot worse!", so he sent him to the hospital where he was admitted to the ICU.  That was Wednesday.
On Friday, Daddy had "brain surgery".  The doc drilled two holes in the right side of his skull.  One to relieve the pressure and the other to allow all the fluid to come out (or something like that).
Over the course of three days, they drained over a pint and a half of fluid from his brain!
Unbelievable, i know!
But now he is acting more like Daddy and sounding much more like Daddy.
They shaved half of his head, so it took a while for me to get used to looking at him like that.  I've always seen him with a head full of hair.
But i went over there tonight and shaved the rest of his head (that wasn't covered by the bandage and tape). 

I'm just relieved that he is sounding more "like himself" now.
I can breathe a sigh of relief now.

So thank you for all your prayers!
I don't exactly do that myself, but i believe it certainly can't hurt! =-)
So,
thank you!

I think everything is gonna be alright.

Hope you have a WONDERFUL day!
=-)

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